I Knew I Loved You
by amy1oM
Summary: The nights were the most unbearable for her after he died. Spoilers for Season 3's WAKE UP


AN: Yet another fic I wrote long ago and you must wonder why I am posting so many now? Well you see I found a treasure trove of my old Pretender fics on a CD and decided to share them with the world!

As always I've made ZILCH from this or the song I KNEW I LOVED YOU by Savage Garden so please don't sue me!

0o0

The nights were the most unbearable thing about her life after Thomas was murdered. They were that way because she came home to an empty house haunted with the echoes of sounds of him and the ghosts of seeing him doing the things he loved to do to relax after a day of hard work. She missed the sound of his voice as he greeted her at the door and she missed the warmth of his arms as they settled in for the night.

She MISSED him. . .

Now she often came home when the hour was late so that she could go straight to bed, to sleep, hoping that the memories of him wouldn't haunt her for the night. But it had never worked. Every night when she came home, all she could think of was him, of the pain of knowing she'd never see him again.

Now a month after he was gone, Miss Parker came home at a rather early hour, exhausted from another fruitless, pointless trip to Nebraska. Jarod had left enough clues to lead them there and as usual the lab rat was LONG gone by the time they got there. When they'd made it back to the Centre she had decided to just go home and once she was there, she intended on going to bed early.

Peeling off the pants suite she'd worn that day, she slipped into one of Thomas' flannel shirts, finding it hard to sleep (if she even slept) in anything else these days. Unfortunately, a few weeks after his death, the shirts had begun to lose his scent but she kept on wearing them anyway. He'd left so little behind for her to remember him by and how she regretted that there were no pictures of him or them together.

Wearily she pulled back the blankets of her bed before setting down her cell phone on the nightstand beside her. She turned over, facing where he would have been if he were still alive, she pulled the pillow into her arms. She sought comfort and warmth but she knew she'd wouldn't get either that night or ever again.

* * * * *

Coming home early just so she could go to bed earlier wasn't such a good idea. Exhausted as she was, sleep eluded her as badly as the Centre's wayward Pretender. For nearly an hour, she tried to find sleep by changing positions in the bed but found nothing helped. Finally realizing she wasn't going to get any sleep at the moment, she got out of bed, and after grabbing her robe she went back to the living room.

After lighting a fire in the fireplace, and turning on the radio, she grabbed a throw from nearby settling down on the couch. She stared at the fire for moments, feeling a lump rise in her throat, even as the tears began to swell.

_Maybe it's intuition_

_but some things you just don't question_

_Like in _

_your eyes_

_I see my future in an instant_

_And there it goes_

_I think I _

_found my best friend_

_I know that it might sound more than a little _

_crazy_

_But I believe_

_I knew I loved you before I met you_

_I think I dreamed you into life_

Tears spilled down her face as she listened to the words of the song. Everything, everywhere she looked in her home made her think of Tommy. She had hoped that she was finished crying but the tears continued even as the song did. . .

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason

Only this sense of completion

And in

your eyes

I see the missing pieces

I'm searching for

I think I've found

my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy

But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

"Oh," Parker whispered as the song caused sobs to wrack her body. "Tommy."

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you

I am complete now that I've found you

She was so incomplete now without Thomas. She would never be complete again because she had lost the man she'd loved more than anything in her life. In such a short amount of time he had become her world, helping her to remember what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, something she hadn't felt since her mother had died.

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

"Why?" she yelled, surprising herself even as she looked towards the ceiling, and shaking her fist, "Why? Why? WHY?"

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

She really didn't believe in God anymore, hadn't since she'd been a girl. She didn't know why she was so angry as someone she didn't believe in. "Why did you give him to me only to rip him out of my life so cruelly? Why?"

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

FIN

**The song used above is called "I Knew I Loved You" and is sung by Savage Garden. No copyright infringement is intended by its use in this fanfic**


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